


The Last Night of the Killer

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Battle of Hogwarts, Fear, Fear of Death, Forbidden Forest, Gen, Introspection, Out of Character, Self-Destruction, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 22:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: I had run. And I didn’t even know from what. There was nothing material threatening me. It was a feeling, nothing more. The feeling that it was going to be the last night. That my worries were more than justified.





	The Last Night of the Killer

**Author's Note:**

> So, Bellatrix has never being so lucid in her whole life and Voldemort would rather marry Dumbledore than let her escape, so I figure this is OOC. Had she ever been even a little self-concious, I think she would've had these kind of doubts, though.

That night everything would’ve changed. It would’ve been the night of blood, of battle. And of victory. My Lord was more than certain of it.

We were all around Hogwarts, we had been besieging it too long, we were waiting just for the right moment to act.

“My allies!” he screamed, his face seemed almost cut by a slight smile. “Tonight you’re going to achieve everything you’ve fought for during these years. We will avenge together what we’ve suffered, all the years of exile, of subterfuges, of imprisonment!” he made a pause. “Tonight, we’re going to conquer Hogwarts. And with it, the whole Magical World as it is now. We’re having a small takeover.” he added, lowering his voice. I stared at him, sneering. We had waited so long, it was true. And I was the one who thought about revenge most of all.

Revenge for that woman I could’ve been, and that all of them had nipped in the bud. Revenge for having been treated like a psychopath, revenge for I had seen all my dreams breaking.

Revenge, because years before they had taken my Lord away from me. But right now he was there, ready to destroy anyone in his path.

But was I too?

During the rare moments of lucidity in Azkaban, I had imagined that night. I saw myself, queen of darkness, of perennial obscurity, of the evil descending on earth and becoming flesh in Voldemort.

Right then, instead, I felt like a little girl at her first day of school. Afraid to do the wrong thing, to disappoint him. Afraid that the life I have desired so much, a life where I can finally be free, was going to slip from my fingers.

We’re stronger, but we miss something fundamental.

Union.

I remember Dumbledore always used to say it, when I was in school. That synergy is what allows to win battles, not weapons.

None of us had ever thought much about it, and I have too thought it was something trivial, cheesy. But in that moment, it looked almost reasonable.

I turned up my nose. It was the upcoming battle making me nervous, and letting me have this kind of thoughts.

Voldemort was still explaining to the other Death Eaters the plans for the battle, when his eyes crossed mine. I felt them penetrating me, sounding out my soul, reading every though in my mind. He excused himself from the others and came to me.

“What’s wrong, Bellatrix?” he asked, cold. I shuddered, pretending an audacity that in that moment didn’t belong to me.

“Nothing, my Lord. I’m thinking about the plan.” I lied. He bent his head, and a grin appeared on his face.

“Bella, Bella, Bella.” he chanted. “Putting aside my Legilimens qualities, I’ve known you far too long for you to still hope to make me believe your lies.” he pointed out. I frowned.

“Are we certain of the victory?” I murmured. He opened his eyes wide, surprised by that moment of weakness.

“You know I won’t tolerate this attitude. You’re my best Death Eater, not just any little girl!” he hissed. Right then, I saw a shadow on his face, the same one likely crossing mine. I smiled, devilishly.

“You didn’t say we are.” I replied, challenging. He turned to face the others, then grabbed my arm and dragged me away.

“Bellatrix, tonight we’re going to go inside that school, we’ll kill anyone who stand in our way and we’ll conquer the Magical World. If you have any doubt about it, please keep it to yourself.” he whispered, his face a few inches from mine. The hold on my arm lingered, he was hurting me. I looked at him, trying to catch a sight of that terror that I hoped inhabited him.

Dreamer. With time, he had learnt to make fear itself shiver, and there was nothing left to scare him.

Instinctively, I wiggled out of his hold and I started running, without knowing where I was going. I felt his gaze on my back, and I expected to be hit any moment by a spell, that he would’ve tried to stop me.

But nothing happened. He let me run away, as if my momentarily desertion wasn’t changing a thing. I ran faster, challenging any physical limitation.

I stopped when I reached what I deemed to be the exact centre of the forest. I looked around. The trees were thick, tall, they let shine through just a minimal part of the already feeble light of twilight. I sat on a rock, panting.

I had run. And I didn’t even know from what. There was nothing material threatening me. It was a feeling, nothing more. The feeling that it was going to be the last night. That my worries were more than justified.

I went pale. I saw every moment of my miserable existence melt, like wax to the sun.

When he had found me, it had looked like he was saving me from a certain end.

Married to Rodolphus, sentenced to be quiet forever. My Lord had brought me over the boundaries of the common imagination, he had given me all a human being could ever desire. And I’ve gotten lost among illusions of power, never being able to see through them an unknown world, that just now I was finding attractive.

I breathed deeply. I close my eyes, trying to make everything around me disappear.

Memory came back to hit me, violent, it showed me my own face, hidden by blood.

I’ve liked to kill and torture since the very beginning. It gave me ecstasy, it gave me adrenaline. The feeling of being almighty and to be able to defeat any living thing.

And in that moment, snatched from the light, I felt like falling into emptiness.

I was about to die.

That was what Voldemort was trying to tell me. That it was the end, for all of us.

I screamed, and started running again. I went through the trees, for I wanted to live in wisdom and depth, and sucking all the core of live, rout all that was not life, and not finding out on the verge of death that I hadn’t lived at all.

When my legs gave out I fell, right on the damp ground. I felt breathless. And it wasn’t for the strain. I had the feeling I was being followed. Realizing that my life was about to be broken made me feel incomplete.

There were too many things that had been stolen from me, and too many I had stolen from myself. Moments gone without the courage to seize them.

And now I didn’t have time anymore.

I laughed, hysterical. Dumbledore, Potter and all the others would’ve been glad. In the end, I had become the madwoman they all saw in me.

I didn’t regret what I had done. I had consumed my life, all my flesh was vowed to my Lord, who that night was nothing but a mere hangman.

Just, I felt another kind of regret penetrating my skin.

I couldn’t tell whether destiny was fair or not.

Had I lived? Had I taken advantage of all my longings, my desires?

I went back, walking. I couldn’t think anymore, and I just looked around me, letting air entering arrogantly in my lungs.

When I reached the others, I saw Voldemort coming toward me, slowly.

“Did you calm down?” he asked, with gritted teeth. I reduced the distance between us, and without even brushing him with my hands I rested my lips on his. He didn’t react, he let me do as I pleased. After less than a minute I took a step back, bowing.

“I’m ready to die in battle, my Lord.” I said, my voice steady.

We faced Hogwarts. In that moment, I had managed to turn into life all that had been long since dead.

And I had decided that it was with that taste of life on my lips that I wanted to die.


End file.
